I’m the kind of woman that you wanna take home to your mom but I’ll give you a blow job on the way there.
Ever have those days where your eyeliner is so perfect you could cry but you can’t cry because then it would destroy the liner? Yeah. This is one of those days. 🙌
May or may not have just had a mini panic attack over the fact that in a month I won’t be living in my room and my house anymore. I’ll be in college. I mean I’m close enough to home that I can come home often enough.
But I’ve made this room my own. I moved into it 5 years ago, after our last au pair(nanny who lives with us from a foreign country) left. The walls were white and stark. The first couple months, it was like living in a hospital. My dad let me pick out paint so I picked my favorite colors, lavender and bright green. I’m so happy I picked the color combination I did. I then found green curtains and sheets, and my favorite purple blue green comforter. I covered the walls and ceiling with posters of my favorite bands that I eagerly tore out of each months issue of Alternative Press. I proudly put together a cheap ikea bookshelf all by myself, to put all my books and movies on. Dance trophies and soccer trophies. Pictures of friends. This room has my milk crate full of music magazines. It has my electric guitar and my dad’s old acoustic guitar. It has my absurdly large nail polish stash(I wanna say 200+ but I don’t remember the last time I counted lol).
The things these walls have seen. They’ve seen love and loss. They’ve seen nights staying up till sunrise laughing with friends. They’ve seen moments of extreme happiness but also moments of extreme depression, where I was on the brink of insanity. They’ve seen me grow from a naive little girl to a woman who I’m incredibly proud of.
I’ll go off to school, I’ll live in a dorm room of my own(well with three other roomates). I’ll graduate college and get an apartment of my own. I’ll get married and I’ll move into a house of my own. But this room, in this house, will always be special to me. It was the first thing that was ‘mine’. I’m the oldest of four children, two boys and a girl. There’s six years between me and my little sister, so i always shared my things and my space with her. This room was my first taste of solidarity and taking pride in my space and belongings. There was always a sense of satisfaction after cleaning my room, by things standing proudly where I put them. I could put things wher I wanted and I could put whatever I wanted on the walls. I was able to rearrange my room, to how it is now, and I love it.
Everything that’s been happening the past month and everything that will be happening in the months ahead are signs that the future is happening, life is happening. It’s equally terrifying as it is exciting but I know one thing. I’m thankful I’m here on this planet and I get to experience it all. I can’t wait to see what the future holds.
I’ve been thinking a lot about life and stuff lately, just thought I’d share it with you all :)
"I wish I had done everything on earth with you"
The Great Gatsby (2013)